« [It can only get better right?] »

I realized today how this unemployment thing for me is all consuming, I almost need to know that I am not the only one going through this.

I am so depressed and my self worth is down the toliet, but you know I mean I LEFT MY OTHER JOB, I was not fired, I quit, I haven't been fired yet, I think if I ever am it will devistate me.

Its hard to live normally when you were without job or class etc, it seems like there is no reason for me to even get up in the mornings and thats what scares me, I cry alot, ahh even if this is my private journal thats an embaressing admission, boy is so sympathic to me that when I am upset all his understanding and love makes me burst into tears and cling to him in hugs.

Anyway I read this today:

When you lose your job, you lose self esteem. You think you are going to get sooo much done around the house, but you just end up sleeping alot. My friend, a psychologist, told me I had classical signs of depression.

So I snapped myself out of it. I took steps to force myself to do things that I used to do. Although I could not afford it, I scraped up cash to reinstalled cable tv, because it was a large part of my regular life (I uninstalled it to save money). I began going back to the stores I used to go to, just to look around. Even though I was not buying anything anymore, just looking around and window shopping did alot for me.

Heck, just getting out of the house and not sitting around 24/7 waiting for an employer to call me... that felt great.

It's all about finding some sort of normality. Yes, I was depressed about it, but I slowly got over it. Just because you're unemployed does not mean your normal life is over.

I realized something -- it wasn't going to be that way forever. When I was unemployed, it was hard to think anything further than the next day. Then I realized: I won't still be unemployed 5 years from now. It won't be this way forever. And it wasn't.

This made me feel better, made me feel like less of a freak for being so upset over a lack of a job.

So yeah I am beginning to look at receptionist work and retail work in order to do something until a 'real' career comes up. But the more I think of doing that kind of job the more depressed I get

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POSTED ON 2003-10-23 AT 3:53 p.m.

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