« [Unsent Letter 3] »

Its been too long since I last talked to you, so many things have happened and I miss the way we used to discuss life while sitting at a table in a pub, we always did that didn't we, just met up and sat in a pub and discussed things, sometimes I wonder if I will ever have a friend as great and aggravating as you were. I doubt there will be another in my life whom I loved and distained as much as you. I still surprise myself when I get these moments where I miss you so intensely it hurts.

I met and fell in love with DS, can you believe that? I can hear your voice now saying 'WHAT?! thats not you, thats something Emily would do?!' but yeah life surprises you sometimes doesn't it. I loved you but this love is different, its the kind of love I never question, the kind of love that is comfortable and nice. You know he is the kind of person I needed to fall in love with, kind and generous and sensitive with a wicked sense of humour that just floors me sometimes.

I wonder if you ever found anyone to fill my shoes, or if you found someone to fall in love with and what she is like. Honestly without sounding mean I wonder if you will ever beable to love anyone and let them know it. DS and I have talked about that, he said that all you needed was probably a medium where your defenses weren't up, where you would not feel awkward because of your emotions and beable to open up to someone. You and DS are alot alike on many levels, perhaps I just never saw your 'soft underbelly' the place where you seemed emotionally vulnerable.

I wish I could just sit with you and we could laugh and talk about all that has happened, the marriage of FS and KY, JH adventures in the big city, EIs continuing insanity but thats what keeps her happy, CD and RS.

I miss you my friend.

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POSTED ON 2003-10-28 AT 2:26 p.m.

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